Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
