I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
