My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Randomize
