I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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