Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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