Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
