Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize