so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
