Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
