Im at strip club and am horny
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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