my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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