I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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