There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
