That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He better not be in your backpack
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
