i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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