im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
