what if every blade of grass was a penis?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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