Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
nutella sex= disaster
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
