Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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