Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
