your room smells of hookers.
And success
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
