Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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