I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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