I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
