Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
