when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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