That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
