Plan B is the new Plan A
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
how drunk are you?
Several
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize