Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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