I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
