you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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