I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
