I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
