I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
