; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
