How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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