I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
