your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize