I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
