Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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