I swear she didn't look like that last week.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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