One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
