Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
please come you make the beer taste better
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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