First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
FUCK WHALES
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