Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Never underestimate the power of titties
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
