just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
