I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
