she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
