a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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