Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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