I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
