Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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