dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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