Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
