Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
