I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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