A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
