my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
