I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
