she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
