You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
