I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
