dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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