I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
