You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
