I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
