I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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