I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
