Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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