Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
