I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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