i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
