wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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