I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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