the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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