The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she told me i tasted like america
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
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