Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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