Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
