i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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