Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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