Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
