Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
