So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i dont even know how to be here
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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