so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
