Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize